How to Identify Your Core Values, and What to Do With Them

KEY TAKEAWAYS

•     Values are how you want to act, not what you want to achieve. Goals finish, values do not

•     Picking words from a list rarely works. Your real values show up in your behaviour and your regrets

•     Three to five is enough. Ten values is a list, not a filter

•     The test of a value is what you give up for it

•     Conflict between values is normal, and knowing the priority order is what makes decisions easier

•     Values are for deciding, not for describing yourself on a profile

Almost everyone, asked to name their values, produces the same handful of words: honesty, family, integrity, growth. These are not wrong. They are just not useful, because nobody has ever identified the opposite as their value.

Values become useful only when they help you choose between two good options, which means they have to be specific enough to exclude something. This guide covers how to find yours, how to test them, and how to use them for actual decisions.

Values, goals and traits

	What it is	Example	Can it be completed?
Goal	Something you achieve	Run a marathon	Yes
Value	A way of acting you keep choosing	Physical discipline	No
Trait	Something you are	Conscientious	Not a choice

A goal is a destination. A value is a direction. You can always act more or less in line with a value, which is why values keep working after goals are reached, and after they are missed.

Why choosing from a list fails

Handed a list of 200 words, most people select the ones that sound admirable. You end up with a description of who you would like to be seen as, which is a different thing from what actually drives you.

The better route is backwards: look at evidence from your own life first, then find words that fit it.

Four ways to find the evidence

1. Look at what makes you angry

Disproportionate anger is one of the most reliable signals. When something makes you far angrier than the situation warrants, a value has usually been stepped on.

Being interrupted repeatedly might point to respect. Someone taking credit for a colleague's work might point to fairness. Being micromanaged might point to autonomy.

2. Look at your regrets

List five decisions you regret. Regret usually marks the place where you acted against a value, often for a good short term reason. The pattern across five is more informative than any single one.

3. Look at your best days

Think of three days in the past few years that felt genuinely good, and ignore the obvious celebrations. What were you actually doing? Making something, helping someone, solving something, being outdoors, being trusted with something difficult. The common thread is usually a value.

4. Look at what you have given up

This is the strongest evidence of all. What have you sacrificed money, time, comfort or approval for? A value that has never cost you anything is probably an aspiration rather than a value.

Making them specific

Once you have candidate words, sharpen them until they exclude something. A value that excludes nothing cannot help you decide anything.

Vague	Specific enough to be useful
Family	Being physically present for dinner most weeknights
Growth	Doing work I am not yet qualified for
Integrity	Saying the inconvenient thing in the room, not afterwards
Health	Protecting sleep even when work is busy
Freedom	Keeping fixed commitments low, even at a cost to income
Community	Contributing to things I am not paid for

Testing a value

For each candidate, ask three questions.

1.   What have I given up for this in the last two years? No answer means it is probably aspirational

2.   Would I still hold it if nobody knew? If not, it may be about reputation

3.   What does it cost me? Every real value has a cost. Autonomy costs security. Ambition costs time. If you cannot name the cost, look again

Ranking, and why it matters

Most difficult decisions are conflicts between two values you genuinely hold, not between right and wrong. A job offer that pays much more but requires relocation is security against community, or ambition against stability.

Knowing your order of priority is what makes those decisions faster and less painful. It also makes the cost easier to accept afterwards, because you chose it deliberately rather than drifting into it.

Force a ranking of your three to five, even though it feels artificial. The discomfort of ranking them is exactly the information you need.

Using values for decisions

4.   Write the decision as a question, with the real options

5.   Note which values each option serves and which it costs

6.   Check your top ranked value first, and only move down if it is neutral

7.   Name the cost out loud. Choosing one value always declines another

8.   Decide, then stop revisiting. Reopening a values based decision weekly is its own kind of cost

Reviewing them

Values shift slowly, usually after major life changes: a child, a bereavement, a health event, a significant career change. An annual review is enough. If your values change every few months, you are probably describing moods rather than values.

A useful annual question: where did my calendar and my bank statement disagree with my stated values? Those two records are more honest than memory.

Organisational values

The same test applies to companies. A value is only real if the organisation has paid for it: turned down revenue, removed a high performer who behaved badly, or chosen the slower option deliberately.

Values printed on a wall with no such story behind them are decoration. When assessing an employer, asking for an example of a time the company acted on a stated value, at a cost, is one of the more revealing interview questions available to you.

A 30 minute exercise

9.   Ten minutes: write down five moments you felt genuinely proud and five you regret. No explanations, just the moments

10.        Five minutes: next to each, write what was at stake. Not what happened, but what mattered

11.        Five minutes: circle words that appear more than once across the ten

12.        Five minutes: turn each repeated word into a specific sentence, using the vague to specific table above

13.        Five minutes: rank them, and write down what each one costs you

Keep the result somewhere you will actually see it, and revisit it when a genuinely difficult decision arrives rather than reading it daily.

Myths versus facts

Myth	Fact
Values are what you believe in	They are what you consistently choose, especially when it costs you
More values are better	Three to five you can actually apply beats a list of twelve
Values never change	They shift slowly, usually after significant life events
If you have values, decisions become easy	They make trade offs clearer, not painless
Choosing from a list identifies your values	It usually identifies who you would like to appear to be

Frequently asked questions

How many core values should I have? Three to five. Beyond that they stop functioning as a filter.

What if my values conflict with each other? That is normal and expected. Ranking them is how you resolve it.

What if my values conflict with my job? A small gap is manageable. A persistent conflict with your top value tends to show up as chronic dissatisfaction.

Should I share my values with others? Useful with close people and a manager, since it explains your decisions. Announcing them broadly adds little.

Is this the same as goal setting? No. Goals are achieved and finish. Values guide how you pursue them and continue afterwards.

DISCLAIMER

This article is for general information only. Individual circumstances differ, so use your own judgement and seek professional advice where it matters.